It's always about the money!!!!

I HATE worrying about money. I knew it was a bad idea to go part time after my son was born but my husband kept convincing me that it would be okay. It was for awhile.

Things just always seem to come up though.
The extra house taxes that we weren't expecting, the car repairs, the increasing price of gas when we have gas guzzling SUV's, the TV that went out (god forbid we live with out a TV) the oven that died, the hot water heater that died.

Then there are just the everyday necessities (especially with 2 teenagers). I love my step kids but they are really spoiled and expect to have everything. They both have Ipods (well actually my step son had his stolen) they both have the top of the line cell phones they both have closets full of clothes. And they still want MORE. School starts for them next week and Hannah comes to us and says she NEEDS clothes. She has so many clothes they don't all fit in her dresser. It is not like she is really outgrowing them. She is 14 and not really growing much any more. We asked what she NEEDS. She couldn't say one thing she needs she just NEEDS new clothes. Try to explain to a teenager why she can't have her NEW clothes just to have new clothes. We will buy her new shoes because she needs them but she doesn't NEED a whole new wardrob right now.
They have one of those stores that will buy slightly new clothes here in town. We told her to gather up all the clothes that she doesn't wear any more and sell them and we will match the money she gets to buy some new clothes. Well guess what she doesn't have ANYTHING she can part with. What the heck does she need new clothes for then. I know I was a teenager once too. I know what it means to get new clothes.
Their mother is involved but never pays for ANYTHING. When they were still living with their mother my husband would buy them school clothes give them spending money buy alot of their toys. Now that they are with us their mother does none of that. Whenever we tell the kids that we can't afford something we tell them to ask their mother for money. They come back with "She doesn't have any money" Well HELLO neither do we right now so why should we have to make money come out of nowhere to fulfill their needs?

I always feel bad when it comes to saying no to Thomas and Hannah about something. We don't have the best relationship. I know they are just teenagers and I am their wicked step mom but it is hard sometimes. I really wish we could go out and buy them the new waredrobes that they want but we can't. At the same time I feel angry because I give up getting for me to make sure they get what they want. I haven't bought anything for my self in a long time. Plus they always give Tom and I a hard time about spending money on Jack if we don't spend money on them too. So I go to second hand shops to buy clothes for my son so I don't spend too much money on him. Well that isn't fair either, why should Jack get second rate things and they get top of the line things. Because they throw fits and Jack dosen't care yet.

I know I take some of the money issues with the kids to personally, but I work hard for my money and I don't seem to be reaping any of the benifits of it for my son or myself. It just dosen't seem fair sometimes.

Missing It!!!!

So I just started a new job this week and they are making me work days for a few weeks. I usually work nights and have for the last 6 years.
Yes I know I am crazy but I am just not a morning person.

So anyway when I work days I have to leave the house by 6:10 and don't usually get home till 8:00. My little man doesn't usually get up until 7 or 7:30 so I don't get to see him before I leave. Since I have been on days Tom has been keeping him up later so that I can spend some time with him before he goes to bed. He usually goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00.
I miss my little man SO much when I am gone all day. His reaction when he sees me when I get home is SO wonderful though. It makes it all worth it.
My husband tells me today that he took a little step today. I can't believe that I missed it. I know that there will be more but that was his FIRST and there will never be his first step again ( I am sitting here crying over this, I can't believe that I am crying about this) I just can't believe how fast he is growing up. As much as I want him to reach all his new milestones I miss each stage that he leaves behind.
Its funny while at work I see all these babies that are younger than Jack and start to think "Oh how I miss my baby when he was that little" then I see older kids who are walking and I think "Oh I can't wait until Jack is doing that". We can't wait for our children to grow up but we miss where they have been. I have to remember to just cherish the moments as they come.

In the begining

I am a very proud mother or an almost one year old boy Jack. I feel he is growing up so fast right in front of my eyes. He constantly amazes me with all that he can do and all that he is learning on a daily basis. I am so afraid that I will forget what he was like at this age when he is older.


Today he found that feeding his foods to the dogs is HILARIOUS. He couldn't stop himself from laughing as he dropped piece after piece of his breakfast on to the ground for the dogs to eat. I hope he ate enough of it for himself.

He also figured out how to make our water cooler work. I had quite a mess to clean up from that. Somehow those messes don't seem so bad to clean up.